Writing this piece feels almost contradictory. The last thing we need is more coverage of Charlie Sheen's antics – did people forget there are civil riots going on in the Middle East? But there's something missing from this public circus: should we really treat his meltdown as performance art?
We've heard about his alleged coke-fuelled lifestyle, his numerous failed stints in rehab, his verbal attacks on co-workers, the troubled comments by close friends that he may be a lost case and possibly the least-covered part of his life: his long history of alleged violence towards the women in his life.
Most importantly, though, we've heard Sheen himself. While entertainment reporters and paparazzi hound celebrities, he one-upped the press by kindling his own media fire. The reason he is all over the news is mainly because he has been emailing the press for interviews and calling into live-air radio stations, demanding to be heard. What did he want us to hear? Hilarious, ego-maniacal one-liners that would make Kanye West blush. I don't need to repeat those lines – there are a bajillion articles out there collecting the best of.
And then there are the parodies: the internet memes, the New Yorker cartoons, the rap songs. As if that wasn't enough, Sheen stepped up on his very own soapbox via Twitter and set a Guinness world record for the highest number of followers gained in a 24-hour period. The more serious, discerning among us began to question his mental stability and caused some to wonder whether Sheen was actually on a drug-fuelled high, although he always maintained he is clean.
Wait a second, haven't we been here before? Does the name Britney Spears ring a bell? At first, her moments of eccentricity appeared among the slew of bizarre celeb gossip stories. But as she began to dominate the entertainment headlines with photos of her shaved head, it became apparent that Spears's craziness was not that funny. Once the conversation turned serious, she became less of a joke and more of a tragedy; it became too easy to laugh at the embarrassing photos, but more mature to treat the Spears family drama with solemnity – or at least with some respect.
Why did it take so long for the press and the public to realise that Spears was a real person? We don't see the need to treat celebrities as real people: their lavish lifestyles and privileged attitudes seem so out of touch with common reality. They are first and foremost performers. Every word they say, on screen or off, is there for our amusement. Most of the time, they want to be left alone and must fight off paparazzi for privacy.
So back to Charlie Sheen.
In his case, the public consensus is: who cares, he's asking for it and he's freaking hilarious. Even more hilarious than his character in Two and a Half Men! Guess it's not really an alter-ego at all, ha ha ha. Who cares if his egomania is clinical in nature when he's the one inviting us to watch his train crash? Let's leave the personal drama out of this, because that only dampens the fun.
The only reason Sheen is being celebrated is because he makes mania funny, an opinion which seems to be more popular among men than women. When I visited his twitter page and clicked on my friends who are following him, only one out of 20 turned out to be female. Sheen might be troubled, but he is living the extreme male debauchery fantasy. Obviously not all men desire this, but if anyone is to glamorise Sheen's existence, it's the people who admire what he can get away with. Unfortunately that's what gets traction in the press, and that is why he gained so many followers so quickly. Meanwhile, few journalists bother to ask why we're fascinated with a man who has one of the most condescending attitudes towards women ever publicly reported.
He may be funny. For now. But when he finally comes down he might apologise, eat his words, or donate to charity. All that will be left in our collective memory is the he said he had tiger blood, perhaps inciting a guffaw. Few will remember the tales of alleged domestic abuse or his history of alleged drug abuse – or even that he's a real human being.
Perhaps it's time to consider why we are feeding into his attention-seeking behaviour. Perhaps we'd be doing him a bigger favour by ignoring him, not rewarding him with the attention. Perhaps then he might realise that his shenanigans aren't really that "awesome".
