Age: 67.

That's not very classic. That's when the imprint started. The first book they published was older.

How much older? Several thousand years. It was Homer's Odyssey, translated by EV Rieu.

A high-minded enterprise. Indeed. Rieu became editor of the series and oversaw the first 160 classic texts, including the Iliad, the Gospels and Virgil's Aeneid.

And after Rieu? Penguin started publishing such literary parvenus as Laurence Sterne, Henry James and Maupassant.

I always hate that sort of dumbing down. They even introduced "modern classics" – Borges, Forster, Fernando Pessoa.

What next? JK Rowling? Worse, I'm afraid.

Not Martin Amis. No, Morrissey.

Who? A popular singer who has written his autobiography.

And when, pray, was it published? It will appear on Thursday.

So who has deemed it a classic? Morrissey. "I'd like it to go to Penguin," he said in 2011, "but only if they published it as a Classic."

I seem to recall Hesiod making the same demand with his Theogony. "I can't see why not," Morrissey went on, perhaps anticipating some critical flak. "When you consider what really hits print these days, and when you look at the autobiographies and how they are sold, most of it is appalling." They were "publishing events", he explained. His book would be a "literary event".

And Penguin played ball. "It could be published as a Penguin Classic," they argued, "because it is a classic in the making."

Of course. Why didn't I think of that? When Penguin unveiled the beatific cover image of the great man, they declared: "Most pop stars have to be dead before they reach the iconic status Morrissey has reached in his lifetime."

Where will he fit in Penguin's pantheon? Just after Montaigne.

Is Morrissey happy with that? For the moment.

How does Montaigne feel? "He who establishes his argument by noise and command shows that his reason is weak."

Not to be confused with: Plato's Symposium.

Do say: "Please, please, please let me get what I want."

Don't say: "That joke isn't funny anymore."