I'm in a high-ceilinged studio space with whitewashed floors and bright lighting. This place doesn't look much like a nightclub and there's no party atmosphere, but I have come to dance, or at least to take part in an Introduction to Dance class: I want to find out if there is any hope for me.
Actually, I don't think I'm a terrible dancer. There was a time in my 20s when I would go clubbing without fail every week and it didn't take much to lure me on to the dancefloor. Dancing gave me the opportunity to totally lose myself; for someone like me who doesn't drink or do drugs it wasn't just intensely pleasurable – it also felt necessary. Today I am a middle-aged, married, mortgaged, fortysomething father. My opportunities for dancing have diminished, as has my confidence.
Tania, our instructor, takes us through our first moves. I hadn't realised until now how much of my dancing style was arm-based – random pointing played a crucial role in my technique. I also realise how little I was moving my legs and especially my upper body. It's almost as if I wasn't allowing myself to respond instinctively to the music and the beat.
Tania stresses the importance of relaxing the chest. She shows us how to crumple and twist our middle section by breaking it into different areas – the upper chest, stomach and hips – and trying to move one part without affecting the others. I am even asked to do something called a ripple. It's the sort of move I imagine pole dancers learn during their training, and indeed when done well it looks as if your body is undulating in musical ecstasy. It doesn't quite look like that when I do it.
Having to isolate different moves and focus on the chest, then shoulders and neck, makes me appreciate that my style of dancing is stiff rather than fluid – more Ian Curtis than Curtis Mayfield – and the way to improve that is to focus on the core rather than the limbs.
Tania's promise, or warning, that the class would be funky, meant the anodyne hip hop music we were dancing to wasn't anything I would usually subject myself to and the moves that suited the music- sudden drops with legs apart, tapping the inside and outside of one's shoes as you shake your lower leg- weren't things I could imagine doing while listening to Joy Division: good dancing demands good music.
I stare at myself in the huge mirrors, dancing to hip hop music – suddenly dropping down with legs apart or shaking my lower legs – and at first I feel self-conscious. It's hard not to enviously glance at the others as they morph into Michael Jackson and Beyoncé.
By the end of the class I am totally exhausted and just a little bit exhilarated. The most important lesson I have learned isn't any particular dance move, although that helps, but just that it is so freeing to have an outlet to dance where for an hour and a half I am not thinking about work or family or Twitter: just about how good it is to move your body to the music.
That weekend, in the safety of my living room I put on some music – Pulp's Disco 2000 – and have a dance with my wife, Bridget, and our two-year-old daughter, Laila. As I dance, I notice how much more aware I am of my body. Dancing well is about good music and good moves but it is also about realising that no one is ever too old to dance, and that the dancefloor needn't have a glitter ball – it can even have a dining table.
In one way it is rather ridiculous, the three of us dancing amid the toys and books, and yet in another it is perfect."Won't it be strange when we're all fully grown," sings Jarvis Cocker, and Bridget and I sing along with him. I don't wave my arms quite so much, my chest feels looser, my confidence is back, and no one is laughing at me.
Sarfraz took an Absolute Beginners class with City Academy, London
What I learned Sarfraz's top tips
1 Be confident Remind yourself you're never too old to dance.
2 Avoid the sudden drop with legs apart You're not Miley Cyrus. Also worth avoiding any move that may bring to mind the zombies in the Thriller video.
3 It's OK to close your eyes It's almost certainly not cool but it feels good to me.
4. Choose music that suits your mood Saying that, I would counsel sitting out the Village People's YMCA.
5. Don't worry about where you dance Otherwise you'll never do it – the kitchen will do.
Take it further
At a class
Frame has to be London's most fun dance studio. It hosts Classic Music Videos classes so you can channel your inner Jacko, Madonna or TLC.
On a course
Is it a while since your dancing heyday? The Northern Ballet's Keep Dancing course is for those aged over 55 who have never danced, or are a bit out of practice.Enrol for the whole course or drop in.
At a festival
The Glasto Latino tent is back. Take lessons by day to live music from one of Cuba's best "son" bands (fusion of Spanish and African music), then flaunt your new moves at night.
27-29 June.
