Name: Brunch.
Age: 119 years old, give or take.
Appearance: Midway between breakfast and lunch, normally displacing both.
I know what brunch is, mate. It’s an American invention, innit? Actually brunch originates in Britain – the OED cites an 1895 Punch magazine article by Guy Berringer as the first use of the term. But it has become a decidedly American phenomenon of late, yes.
Phenomenon? It’s just a meal. No, it’s much more than that. It’s a potent symbol of urban cultural decline.
Really? Yup. It’s why Julian Casablancas left New York.
Who is Julian Casablancas? He’s the Strokes frontman, remember?
Vaguely. Whatever happened to him? He moved out of New York.
That’s right. Why was that again? “I walk around New York now and I get upset,” he told GQ magazine. “I don’t know how many, like, white people having brunch I can deal with on a Saturday afternoon.”
He’s upset because white people are ordering waffles? The American restaurant brunch no longer stops at waffles; these days it’s just as likely to include oysters, tacos, sushi, fondue, poutine, grits and/or suckling pig.
How could anyone possibly eat that much before lunch? Brunch is now routinely served until 4pm in American restaurants.
Then it’s not brunch any more! That is part of the problem: what was once essentially a late breakfast for hungover people – or an occasional Sunday family celebration – has now become a debauched weekend marathon: people gathering in too-large groups to shout, overeat and get drunk.
Drunk? Lots of restaurants also offer cheap bottomless drinks along with the buffet. In New York’s brunch belt the streets are generally paved with puke before nightfall.
Sounds like fun to me. Fun it may be, but it’s making New York – and nearly everywhere else – uncool.
I get that going out for brunch lacks edge, but so what? Brunch is just a symptom of the soulless suburban conformity that is relentlessly colonising our urban environments.
Do I detect a bit of snobbery at work here? Possibly, you brunch-eating, middle-class wanker.
Do say: “I’ll have the smoked trout rillettes, the pulled pork burrito, four doughnuts and six mimosas please.”
Don’t say: “Just coffee, please.”
