A group of men wearing elaborately embroidered saris holler with delight as Asifa Lahore totters onto the stage in a stunning peacock print dress.

The bhangra and Bollywood beats that have been blaring all night are temporarily switched off so that Britain’s first gay Asian drag queen can perform his debut single. Flicking back curly black locks and pouting suggestively at his fans, Lahore delivers a sensuous lyrical rendition that Shirley Bassey would be proud of.

It is Friday night in Club Kali, and a crowd made up almost exclusively of Asian gay and bisexual men and women is letting its hair down. Many are dressed in dazzling traditional clothing, kissing and hugging as they gyrate on the dance floor, creating a surreal atmosphere that is a cross between a student night and a lavish Indian wedding.

It is not just the eye-catching entertainment provided by Lahore, however, that is the main talking point of the night: events thousands of miles away in South Africa are also providing a rich source of conversation.

The trial of Shrien Dewani, the British businessman accused of arranging his wife’s murder while on honeymoon in South Africa in November 2010, has stirred widespread debate and mixed emotions within Britain’s Asian gay community.

Dewani’s sexuality has been a prominent feature of the Cape Town trial so far. On the first day of the hearing, he revealed in a statement read out by his lawyer that he was bisexual. “I have had sexual interaction with both males and females,” he admitted.

While the judge has now ruled that Dewani’s sexuality is irrelevant to the murder charge he is facing, the global media frenzy surrounding the case has focused attention on how British Asians reconcile being gay or bisexual with their culture and religion. Dewani appears to have been an occasional visitor to Club Kali but is not thought to have been an established part of the London Asian gay scene.

“I saw him from time to time and only got to know him a little bit,” says Kay, a Club Kali regular. “He didn’t want to socialise too much and become a part of the scene, but that’s OK, because there are many gay Asians like that. We never spoke about anything serious.

“Club Kali is a place for us to have fun and celebrate our sexuality, not get together and share our so-called suffering as gay British Asians, because the truth is that we are not suffering. It’s not as bad as you may think.”

Asifa Lahore has become the most visible symbol of a growing confidence among gay British Asians who are increasingly finding a place and a voice within their families and communities. They claim that there are two issues in particular that place extra pressure on them when coming to terms with their sexuality: religion and culture.

Lahore, 31, who prefers to be known by his stage name, is from a Pakistani-Muslim background and came out to his family five years ago. He admits that the hardest part was not jut telling his parents but also the imam of his local mosque in Southall, west London, where he was born and raised.

“My parents are very conservative Muslims and it took a lot of courage for me to tell that I am gay,” he said. “They felt that they had done something wrong. When I sat down with the imam he told me that I should get married, have children and forget about how I was feeling. I told him that I couldn’t live a false life. He then said I should just remain celibate for the rest of my life. I told him that wouldn’t be possible either. I studied the Qur’an carefully before I came out and know what it says about homosexuality. But I told the imam that I just want to have a monogamous relationship with my partner, not indulge in wild sex orgies and live an immoral life and that on the day of judgment I wanted to tell Allah that I had lived a life where I was honest and true to myself; that I had been authentic in my actions and feelings.” Lahore added: “Something clicked because the imam said live how you want but just don’t promote it (homosexuality). There are many imams who accept homosexuality privately but condemn it publicly because they feel they have to.”

He smiles when he admits that pursuing a career as a fulltime drag queen and hoping to enter his single, You and I, in the Eurovision song contest is not exactly following the imam’s advice not to “promote it”.

Lahore lives with his partner, who is also of Pakistani background, prays regularly at the local mosque and is an integral part of both his family and community. The dress he wore for his Club Kali performance was made by his aunt and he regularly goes shopping with female relatives for clothes and jewellery.

Ricky Tanna, 29, who came out to his family 10 years ago, said: “I am part of a very large Gujarati family and coming out is always difficult, whatever your race, but when you are Asian there are massive expectations on you to get married, have children and maintain the reputation of your family.

“It’s not all bleak when it comes to gay Asians. There’s a lot of good stuff happening and, very slowly, there is more acceptance of us from our communities and families. More and more Asians are feeling confident about coming out.”

Club Kali was started 19 years ago. Co-founder Rita, who only wants to be known by her first name, claims that over the years she has witnessed first hand the growing self-assurance among gay British Asians.

“When we first started, the majority of those who came to Club Kali were men in their 40s who were all married, had children and kept their sexuality a secret,” she says. “We recently did a survey and found that 70% of our crowd is now aged under 30 and almost half had come out, particularly to their families.

“There is a new generation of British Asians who are feeling more comfortable about being gay. There is a lot more openness and acceptance. Things have changed massively.”

In London alone, there is at least one gay Asian night each week – part of a growing Asian gay scene. Specialist groups have been set up to provide help and support for specific religious gay groups such as Sikhs, Muslims and Hindus and their families.

Much of the work is being orchestrated by the Naz Project, which was formed in 1991 and provides advice and support to Asian and other minority gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people.

A groundbreaking initiative aimed at Asian religious leaders was recently launched to provide them with a greater understanding of issues around sexuality that may affect members of their congregation. Another area of the organisation’s work that has proved popular brings together the relatives of Asian gay men and women, giving them an opportunity to discuss their concerns and ask questions.

Marion Wadibia, chief executive of the Naz Project, said: “There are more layers of complexity when it comes to dealing with Asian gay people, not just because of religion but also because for many it’s important not just what their families think but what their community thinks. There has been a lot of coverage of the issue of Asian sexuality as a result of the Dewani case but it’s not a complete horror story and huge progress is being made. At its very core, this is an equality debate. Everybody as a human being has the right to be respected, regardless of their sexuality.”

Despite the advances, the journey to acceptance for gay British Asians remains slow and cautious. Many of those at Club Kali did not want to reveal their surnames and general photography is banned.

Many of those who have come out admit that it is mainly to their immediate families and not to other relatives and that they are often urged to move out of the family home by parents to prevent members of the community from finding out about their sexuality.

As Lahore rested in his dressing room, carefully mopping his sweaty brow after a brief but exhausting performance, he revealed that he regularly receives hate mail and is trolled on social media.

For now, however, he has more pressing concerns. His mascara is in danger of running and he needs to get into a more comfortable dress so that he can enjoy the rest of his Club Kali night out with his friends.