Jacob Anderson
Game Of Thrones/ Raleigh Ritchie

For a stone-cold killer, Raleigh Ritchie’s music is surprisingly soulful, and just as mysteriously horny as Grey Worm. It does sound as if the constant killing might have got to him, though: latest track Birthday Girl is a particularly haunting account of being hammered to death by a girlfriend for forgetting her birthday. Er, U OK hun? If, like most Game Of Thrones characters, Grey Worm ends up suffering a sudden, nasty death, then the singing career is a good fall-back. Plus the fact that he’s a eunuch super-warrior probably makes those high notes easier to reach.

Verdict: Ironically, his music’s got balls (9/10)

Charlotte Ritchie
Fresh Meat/ Luke & Charlotte Ritchie

Charlotte Ritchie was once in the all-female classical choir called All Angels. But after landing the role of Oregon in student sitcom Fresh Meat, Charlotte ditched the Angels and now sings in an alt-folk duo with her brother, Luke. It’s a totally Oregon move: “Oh, I was only in that classical choir for the lolz. Like, it was ironic and also, totally funny at the same time.” Luke & Charlotte, however, are duller than Dido in a load of beige-grey ditchwater. One of their videos features them sitting on a sofa while a sink overflows. For four whole minutes. Even Oregon couldn’t read a deep meaning into that.

Verdict: Not so fresh (2/10)

Iwan Rheon
Game Of Thrones/ Solo

Iwan is yet another Game Of Throner turned wannabe pop performer, but if you thought the Bastard of Bolton’s extended torture scenes were harrowing, wait until you hear his music. Theon Greyjoy wants his penis re-attached so he can cut it off again rather than listen to Rheon’s sub-David Gray whinings. Was Ramsay Snow’s concubine running away from a pack of slavering dogs or Iwan’s album listening party? We get you, girl. All jokes aside, we hope his music’s an art project along the lines of Joaquin Phoenix’s I’m Still Here, otherwise it’s just embarrassing.

Verdict: Total and utter bastard (1/10)

Jamie Campbell Bower
Twilight/ The Darling Buds

Due to a lack of official videos for the Darling Buds (not the 90s Welsh indie band), YouTube is flooded with iPhone-filmed “happenings”, where their lead singer Jamie Campbell Bower is surrounded by 17-year-olds who cheer when he sings “fuck” and who’ve put on their Topshop Kurt Cobain T-shirts in the hope of pulling Caius from Twilight. They probably have no idea that, plugged in, the Darling Buds are basically a bargain-bin Placebo, if Brian Molko liked vests and was backed by three total bros, one of whom has only just made it to Grade 3 on the drums.

VERDICT: Once bitten, once shy (5/10)

Natalia Tena
Game Of Thrones/ Molotov Jukebox

Fronted by Game Of Thrones’s Wilding heroine Natalia Tena (who also played good girl Tonks in Harry Potter), Molotov Jukebox describe their sound as “gypstep”, which really doesn’t bode well. It’s little surprise to discover that they’re a shitshow of accordion, trumpet and violin that want to be Gogol Bordello but end up like the band you’d tip in order to get them to move away from your restaurant table on holiday. The album, Carnival Flower, came out this year. Suffice to say it’s like a pack of direwolves savaging your ears and will make you wish you were north of the Wall.

Verdict: Gives off a nasty hodor (3/10)

Olly Alexander
The Riot Club/ Years & Years

Years & Years sound like 90s house-electronica fronted by Olly Murs (which should be rubbish, but somehow isn’t) while lead singer Olly Alexander (Penny Dreadful, God Help The Girl, The Riot Club) also features on The Magician’s inescapable summer banger Sunlight. While being a hot actor means that bandmates Emre and Mikey probably have to get changed in the loos and stand at the back during photoshoots, at least having Olly in the band means he can call up his famous mates (Ben Whishaw, Black Mirror’s Tuppence Middleton, Utopia’s Nathan Stewart-Jarrett) to lend their videos some genuine dramatic heft.

Verdict: It’s a riot (club) (8/10)