Name: David Bowie.

Age: He was 69 when he died on January 10, 2016.

Though he is obviously immortal. Obviously. But it wasn’t always apparent to everyone that that was going to be the case.

Aha, I sense we are getting to the story. Go on then. In 1965, an 18-year-old Davy Jones came to the BBC with his band The Lower Third for a singing audition. Now, a new documentary has unearthed the judges’ verdicts.

They didn’t see a future Starman? He didn’t blow their minds? Can we not do a tedious lyric thing … “A singer devoid of personality,” was the verdict of one judge.

No! “Not particularly exciting. Routines dull,” said another.

About the man who didn’t just fall to Earth, he changed it when he got here. Ch-ch-ch-ch-cha … What did we say about lyrics? That covers film titles, too, stop it!

Sorry. So they said all that about one of the most culturally significant and original people of the past 50 years or so? “The singer is a cockney type but not outstanding enough,” noted another.

Just a regular cockney type, then, perhaps better suited to a market stall than a global superstar who would go on to sell 140 million albums? “Amateur-sounding vocalist who sings wrong notes and out of tune. Group has nothing to recommend it.”

Who the hell were these clowns? Only the talent selection group. Their job was to select the music that was of a quality worthy of being played on BBC radio.

Hahaha, and Bowie really didn’t make the grade. That’s why my mum, and yours, listened to the pirate station Radio Caroline.

Can we name and shame? Some of these judges must still be around. So we could spit in the eyes of fools … oh God, now I’m at it. And no, we can’t; they know who they are, that is punishment enough.

It would never happen now, would it? A 21st-century judging panel would always recognise genuine talent. Just look at all the truly interesting and original music that comes out of The Voice, The X Factor, BGT etc …

Now who’s being sarcastic? Guilty as charged. It’s almost as if judges don’t always make the best judges, and the people – and history – know better.

When is the film out? The third part of Francis Whately’s trilogy of Bowie docs (the first two were 2013’s Five Years and 2017’s The Last Five Years) will be shown next year.

On? BBC Two. Providing it gets past the television selection committee.

Do say (as Bowie once did): “I don’t know where I’m going from here, but I promise it won’t be boring.”

Don’t say: “Next!”