What time are you up? About 8am. What I want to say I do next is make coffee and breakfast for my wife and bathe our three kids. But no, I sit checking Fantasy Football – and I’m not a breakfast guy. I have a disgusting kale and spinach smoothie, but no solid food until the afternoon. Helps me feel clear in my head.
What happens on a Sunday? It’s NFL Fantasy Football day. It’s me screaming at the TV, then fighting with my wife, who wants to turn it off because she’s right and I’m wrong. I get upset because the games start at 10am and church is at 11am. I know I need to go but can’t stop myself checking scores on my phone, hoping the pastor doesn’t see me. Then I try to think good thoughts, but I’m losing in church and feeling bad feelings towards the players I’m playing against. It’s a really weird day and very confusing for me.
What’s after church? We all go for dim sum at a restaurant in Vancouver that’s very good. I’ve gone there for two years and they still treat me like shit, which is awesome. When I call to make a reservation they say, ‘No’. There’s no celebrity. They don’t know, or care, who I am.
Sundays growing up? Sundays were church, Saturdays, too. I was raised Catholic and it was nourishing I’m sure, but I didn’t understand what the priest was saying and everything was very serious. Just a lot of fear and guilt. Now I go to a different church, but I’m still not churchy; I’d never think it’s the only way.
What’s on the box? I’m only allowed to watch Fantasy Football until 4pm. I love my wife so much, but I’m also scared of her. So terrified that I actually watched a Jennifer Lopez movie called Marry Me with her last Sunday and I wanted to punch myself in my face so many times.
What’s the last thing you do before sleep? It’s always the same. My wife turns her butt towards me and says, ‘Mike, rub my bum.’ She says it gets rid of the cellulite. I’m like, ‘You don’t have any cellulite!’ So every night I sit watching TV, massaging her to sleep.
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