1

Dancers in white “snow” bikinis in front of a white “snow” grand piano with “snowflakes” taped to the ceiling.

2

A “dance hit of the year” featuring Anne-Marie looking bored as she makes her third consecutive appearance.

3

The year’s most universal US hit, conspicuous only by its makers’ absence.

4

Presenter Clara Amfo pondering, apropos of nothing, whether you have eaten too much turkey.

5

Presenter referencing a “legendary” artist who’s still under 26.

6

Fearne … Cotton making the auto … cue’s scripted ad libs sound … like … Pinter …pauses.

7

A jarringly wintry performance of an Ibiza summer banger.

8

Artists grinning as they finally fulfil their childhood dream of appearing on TOTP in front of their parents.

9

Post Malone in a Christmas jumper.

10

Baffling insider statistics designed to make tracks sound more impressive: “Broke the record for most non-consecutive weeks inside the Top 15 for a non-brass trio.”

Top of the Pops, Christmas Day, 12.30pm, BBC One