James McMahon 

Edwyn Collins: ‘Everything changed when my stroke happened’

The singer, 59, tells James McMahon about his angry youth, the joy of being alive, his new record and birdwatching all day
  
  

‘I can go out walking, and I’ll actually say, “I’m so happy to be alive.”’ Edwyn Collins
‘I can go out walking, and I’ll actually say, I’m so happy to be alive’: Edwyn Collins Photograph: Dominic Lee and Chiara Meattelli

I used to be quite an angry young man. I was really opinionated – had lots to say. And I was obsessed with reading anything that was written about me. If there was anything negative I took it deeply to heart. When I was in Orange Juice I could quote you word for word anything bad that had been written about us. Our album Rip It Up got a roasting in the NME and I was so upset I refused to get on the tour bus. I was like that for a long time. And then my stroke happened. Everything changed.

Losing the ability to speak was terrifying. In 2005 I had two cerebral haemorrhages, which left me with aphasia. I was in hospital for six months and for all that time I couldn’t speak… I was just inside my mind. I was so scared. My wife, Grace, would come to see me every day, and I could tell that she knew I was scared, but I couldn’t express what I was feeling to her. Thanks to my therapist I’ve got an awful lot back that I lost. They’ve given me my life back.

Illness reworks your personality. I’m very mellow now. I look back on some things I said when I was a young man and I think they were a bit cruel. I have real peace now. Mainly because I know what’s important to me in a way that I never did. I’m grateful to be alive. I say that out loud a lot these days. I can be recording in the studio, or out walking, and I’ll actually say, “I’m so happy to be alive!” It’s a cliché, but you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone.

Very little gives me pleasure like British birds. It’s not very rock’n’roll, but I can watch the birds flying all day. When I was six, my mum got me a present, The AA Book of British Birds. I’ve still got it, obviously. After my illness, looking at birds became a way of relaxing and working things out in my head. I like to sketch them. They’re brilliant.

I’m really interested in things that others might find haunting. My new record is named Badbea, after a ruined village on the east coast of Caithness. It’s on a clifftop and only 50 or 60 people ever lived there. It was a clearance village, where people were moved to after the Highland Clearances. It only lasted a few generations because it was such a ridiculous place to live. The weather can be so bad there that they used to have to tie ropes around children and livestock so that they wouldn’t blow away. I like that.

I love social media. It’s great for my mental health. I might be the only person who’s ever said that, right? Because of the stroke, I can’t read any more… not anything of any length, like a book. But writing a tweet, within so few characters, has done wonders for teaching me how to formulate sentences again. And losing what I lost was so isolating. Having the ability to communicate with people directly has been huge for me. I like getting feedback from people wishing me well. I think I might be a bit of a slag!

‘Badbea’ is out now on AED. Edwyn Collins is on tour in the UK during August and September (edwyncollins.com)

 

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