Ok, that’s all from me on this year’s liveblog! Thanks for reading - there will be reaction from chief pop critic Alexis Petridis and more news from Hannah Ellis-Petersen to come - I will no doubt pop back in here to add them for the sake of posterity. But for now, all you need to know is this one thing:

Young Fathers are the winners of the 2014 Mercury Music Prize!

And on that tembo, I bid you goodnight!

UPDATE: As promised here is Alexis Petridis on why Young Fathers are the misfits who deserved to win. He writes:

If the Mercury prize has a worthwhile purpose, it’s to shine a light on music that a wider audience might well like if they heard it, and Dead fits the bill perfectly ... the work of misfits, as all the greatest music tends to be.

And here’s Hannah Ellis-Petersen on the group’s rather casual attitude to winning

So the announcement of an exciting winner maybe brought this blog back from the brink of collapse. No doubt Noisey are just updating their own thing to say “Grimmy is on stage, and the winner is ...” but whatever, not everyone can be a pro in this game.

Young Fathers get a round of applause from the pack of journalists here and they shuffle off. They clearly can’t be bothered with any of this, which is moderately amusing. Although they did enter, and turn up, and perform, and collect the cheque. So maybe they are a little bit more bothered than they make out.

You can read a much more informative Young Fathers interview with the fantastic Guardian journalist Tim Jonze here ... they talk about their eye-opening experiences at underage hip hop nights and why they hate genre pigeonholes.

An interview session with the press pack reveals that

• Young Fathers are not in this for the money
• This won’t make a different to how they write
• They write from the gut
• They’re off to write and record in Berlin
• They don’t like being called miserable - “What do you expect us to be doing, jumping around?”

Young Fathers are all pretty intense, serious guys so it’s quite amusing to hear the pack of photographers shouting “Guys, give us a smile!”

Well as I said earlier, in between all that nonsense about Mr Tembo, Young Fathers are worthy winners of the prize. DEAD is a brilliant debut album - truly eclectic and inventive, but never at the expense of pop choruses. And it’s a record that sounds as if it follows nobody’s vision but their own.

Young Fathers are being interviewed and describing their music as “free” ... they say they’ll spend the money on making another album.

Young Fathers are onstage: “Thank you. Thank you. We love you all. Thank you!” And they’re off stage! Wow, surprise result, but a very deserved one.

Young Fathers have won the Mercury Music Prize 2014 for their debut studio album DEAD! Just like I wanted! And did I put money on them at about 16/1? Er, no, of course I didn’t!

OK the winner is ...

Nick Grimshaw is on the stage and he’s running through the nominations for this year’s tembo. I mean, award.

We’re BACK! Thank goodness because I literally couldn’t make another joke out of micro-celery

More updates on the food from Jenny Stevens, who is looking to put Jay Rayner out of a job tonight.

Channel 4 spokesperson says that the beef is “overdone, but that’s to be expected at these things”.

She also reveals that she’s on a table next to GoGo Penguin and that they don’t seem to think they’ve won because they’re all “shrugging”. Don’t give up yet guys, anything can happen at the Mercurys. Well, not anything, otherwise I’d still be holding out for Jeremy Clarkson presenting the award while riding Mr Tembo around the Roundhouse. But GoGo Penguin winning the prize can indeed happen, right up until 10:15pm when Grimmy tells everyone it’s gone to Kate Tempest.

People are still eating dinner. They’re bloody loving that micro-celery. And who wouldn’t? If there’s one thing that can be improved about celery it’s a reduction in its general size into microscopic ... oh god what am I even saying can someone hurry up and announce this award PLEASE?!?!

More from Hannah Ellis-Petersen ...

My journo table is convinced that Nick Grimshaw read out GoGo Penguin as Ghostface Killa, in an episode v similar to Lauren Laverne’s James Blake/James Blunt confusion of last year... (Though to be fair I wasn’t really listening so I can’t 100% confirm this actually happened)

This almost certainly didn’t happen. But desperate times call for increasingly desperate “reports”

This would be a dream. Probably an actual dream that I will have tonight after this, only for my wife to tell me to stop talking in my sleep about some bloody elephant.

I did try and tell you ...

If you’ve just joined this Mercury blog then I apologise. I accept full responsibility for the confusion you may feel. After all, you clicked on something that said “Mercury Prize live blog” but you’re looking at the screen and all you can see are a load of tweets with the word “Tembo” in that make no sense ... not even to me, and I invented this whole thing.

Elsewhere there’s a fake war of words stirred up between me and Noisey in a desperate bid to rack up numbers, Azealia Banks style.

Even by the standards of previous Mercury blogs - the “classic” where my battery ran out, the one where Lauren Laverne had a strop, the time Paul MacInnes started a fight with all the photographers (a real rarities gem for the ‘heads, that one) - this one feels particularly off message. And there’s still an hour to go! Who knows what else will happen. Who even knows if I will have a job to go to tomorrow morning. But even if I don’t you can be sure of one thing: I will somehow be back here in 2015, liveblogging the Mercury prize. Along with death and taxes, that is a certainty.

The winner will be announced just after 10pm. So only an hour to go!

Want to know what the food looks like? It looks like this ... (Jeremy Clarkson lookalike just out of shot)

Maybe it’s the light in here but that looks weirdly insect-like from where I’m sat

I asked for help, readers, and you sure as hell delivered ...

Bored? We’ve got another half hour to go before people have eaten their micro celery, keep ‘em coming!

To briefly recap the nominees ...

I’d happily see fka twigs, Young Fathers or GoGo Penguin win – all do something a bit different and refreshing. And the first two feel like they’re saying something about the state of pop in 2014.

Kate Tempest and East India Youth are both great records, with a few flaws – the former can be a little worthy, dare I say cringey, whereas the latter is slightly inconsistent.

Jungle, Bombay Bicycle Club and Nick Mulvey all have things going for them but I can’t get massively excited by the idea of them winning.

Can’t really get along with Damon Albarn’s record (and not because of Mr Tembo), Polar Bear’s doesn’t really excite me (although I’m no jazz expert), Royal Blood is deathly dull (although they got the night’s biggest cheer when they played live) and Anna Calvi’s second was disappointing to my ears, lacked the dramatic tunes of her debut, was surprised she was nominated.

Tempest or not Tempest, that is the question

Jason Carlos Murphy

29 October 2014 8:42pm

I'm sorry but that Kate Tempest is like an episode of Eastenders set to music

barryashley

29 October 2014 7:50pm

I saw Kate T at Latitude in (I think) 2010 with Sound of Rum, playing in front of 10 people in the woods. Next day they played in front of 20 people under a tree (well, the guitarist was up the tree). Next year, Kate was in the Poetry Tent rapping to 1000 people. Every performance was magnetic and tenacious. I hope she wins.

I am so desperate for something to say I just started writing a poem about the Mercury prize, Kate Tempest style. The first line was “People are eating, people are tweeting, I am seating, on a chair”. What on earth am I doing? Can someone please tweet me a sentence with the words “Mr Tembo” clumsily inserted to keep this thing alive?

I don’t even know what this means

What a load of old Tembo

Sudden realisation that I’ve gone massively off piste. Er, look! A video of Royal Blood in session! #WillThatDo?

What did you do on the liveblog tonight Tim? Oh, you know, only added to the wonderful tapestry that is the English language

Micro-celery. Mr Tembo. A bloke that looks like Jeremy Clarkson. A pathetic beef with the blogger from Noisey. Who needs facts about the nominees and their performances when you have gold like this?

Latest from ringside #GuardianMusicVsNoisey

Anhaga

29 October 2014 7:38pm

I'll say it again, give it to Wild Beasts.

That would certainly liven up the night, giving the prize to an artist that is neither nominated nor here. But why not go the whole hog and give it to the bloke who looks like Jeremy Clarkson? That would really throw a spanner in the works

Comment time and the Tembo debate refuses to go away #TemboOrNotTembo

Stepbacktakealook

29 October 2014 7:35pm

My 3 year old daughter absolutely loves Mr Tembo. I say this as neither praise nor criticism.

Finally some backup in the form of our news reporter Hannah Ellis-Petersen

I thought Kate Tempest was a bit rubbish...am I allowed to say that as a neutral news reporter? Young fathers for the win!

And on that bombshell ... it’s time for everyone to eat their food for an hour!

Come back in 2027 and decide, when I’m still liveblogging the life out of this thing, and Wolfson has moved onto the latest fad.

Zane Lowe is on now, praising the hell out of Royal Blood’s debut album. If there’s one thing I can tell you about Royal Blood’s debut album, it’s that it’s bloody boring – the Topman version of the White Stripes

So says our new culture editor Jenny Stevens. Mind you, she thought she was hanging out with Jeremy Clarkson five minutes ago, so I would take most of what she says with a pinch of micro-celery

Polar Bear have been at the Mercury music prize more times than I have, and yet they’re still jazzing away like their lives depended on it. Their album In Each And Every Way makes “an important case for jazz as a force in the 21st century” according to Jamie Cullum, who is praising them now on one of these video things they’re showing.

We have video too! Here’s Paul Morley interviewing the band a few years ago ...

Sam Wolfson on the Noisey blog reports that Kate Tempest played with “a furious energy that really brings the record to life.”

Which is the opposite of what I said. And who would you believe? A professional Guardian journalist? Or a young person watching it live, who is not yet dead inside?

More from newshound Hannah Ellis-Petersen down in the posh seats

Best I’ve got for you is Damon Albarn walking out of the door during Jamie T’s all-important, career defining endorsement of his album, clearly not caring at all, and Jamie from Bombay Bicycle Club who has walked past my table twice looking very normal.

One of the favourites to win the prize, Kate Tempest, is onstage playing her song Circles. Here’s a great Dorian Lynskey interview with her from earlier this month ...

If she wins, she says she will write a few poems about the experience. I am sure they will be a thrilling read. Hard to tell from a TV underneath the venue, but this performance seems to be lacking a bit of energy.

Having a quick look at the Noisey “This liveblog can take a second to load” Liveblog. Surprise surprise, it’s all about this liveblog. They’re obsessed with us over at Noisey - haven’t they got anything better to write about? Oh, no they haven’t. And neither have I. Because literally nothing is happening at the moment.

East India Youth has played. I caught about 17 seconds of it because I was having a wee. I really am knocking this liveblog out of the ballpark this year, aren’t I?

Still, it sounded rather grand - quite churchlike with the swirling organ sounds. To celebrate my achievement of watching 17 seconds of something, here’s an interview with William Doyle ...

A foodie has spoken

Huw Stephens is currently raving about East India Youth’s Total Strife Forever. It’s a good album – I really enjoyed the Eno-esque synthy compositions, wasn’t so keen on the straighter, indie songs.

BREAKING: this blog is a hit

Jazzers GoGo Penguin are now onstage. Of all the nominees I was forced to listened to this has been the “pleasant surprise” one – ie I’d never heard of them, but listened to their album v2.0 and thought it was quite pretty, all gentle, blossoming piano lines and skittering drums.

Anna Calvi is riffing away on stage in a theatrical manner. I could tell you more but why break this liveblog’s “unique” house style? And so, Clarkson Watch! Oh no, that wasn’t actually Jeremy Clarkson. Ok, let’s analyse the menu!

MICRO CELERY?! What on God’s Green Earth is that? Answers to @timjonze please!

Want to know the difference between the Guardian liveblog and the Noisey one previously brought up in the comments? One of us is working intensely, desperate to secure the Guardian that second Pulitzer prize. The other one, well ... it’s all just a big laugh for some people isn’t it?

Also the Noisey one seems to have a lot more information on the songs and nominees and not so much stuff about WiFi connections and what I’ve had for lunch. Your choice, readers, your choice ...

The Tembo debate is ongoing ... can I say “Tembo or not Tembo, that is the question” one more time? It is pretty funny ...

muldoon84

29 October 2014 7:28pm

Hi Tim I am currently also keeping track of proceedings via the Noisey liveblog, if you see the popular journalist Sam Wolfson can you post a pic/video of you throwing a pen at him please?

Listen m8, I invented this whole game, so don’t go talking to me about “popular” journalists from Noisey. Pretenders come and go each year, Jonze is still standing.

Is it time to start a war of words with the host? Come on Grimmy, give me something. Announce Kate Tempest as Kate Turnip or something, I’m dying here.

As I failed to even watch Damon Albarn, something I am blaming solely on the WiFi capabilities here, here is a video of Albarn talking about his record Everyday Robots

That Mr Tembo argument in a tweet

Is this liveblog going to end up being The One Where We Thought Jeremy Clarkson Was There But It Was Just Someone Who Looked Like Jeremy Clarkson?

I wasn’t expecting much but that really would be a new low ...

My tip for the prize Young Fathers are playing now. They won’t win, my tips never do, but you should definitely check out their album DEAD if you’re a fan of things that mix leftfield hip hop, African music, electronic squeals and boyband choruses. And who wouldn’t be?

JEREMY CLARKSON WATCH UPDATE!!!!! Jenny Stevens reports ...

Turns out it is not actually Clarkson but his spitting image...my news judgement strong as ever

Oh ...

It’s time to reveal the food I am not eating ... mmmm.... hang on, Damon Albarn chocolates?!

Ok, so while WiFi was down I missed performances by the favourite FKA Twigs and the biggest star Damon Albarn! Excellent work WiFi! The only thing I can report is that Albarn didn’t perform Mr Tembo, his song about an elephant that seems to draw very strong reactions. When it was played at the Mercury launch party someone behind me shouted “Oh not fackin’ Mr Tembo!”

On the other hand, I have several friends who think it’s one of Damon’s best ever compositions and Jamie T has just been praising it on video. Tembo, or not Tembo, that is the question!!!!! #Hahahahahaha

A couple of comments on the blog! Which I am struggling to post here because the WiFi keeps crashing here. But eventually ...

mrbenn03

29 October 2014 6:04pm

I have to say I am hoping Young Fathers win, great album with a sound of their own.

Can’t agree more ... the Edinburgh trio are the group I’d most like to see win. Their sound is eclectic, poppy and experimental – and they give good quote too.

MrsFusspot

29 October 2014 5:35pm

Evening All, There's only one winner for me tonight and it's Polar Bear, followed by East India Youth. Been so excited all day waiting for this blog to start but then I am from the North. Also looking forward to Tim telling us about his sandwiches, that's always a highlight.

Ham, cheese and tomato, Mrs Fusspot. It was all that was left :(

I have requested Clarkson pictures and more information as to his musical tastes as the night progresses. Stay tuned for Clarkson Watch!

Nick Mulvey has been onstage doing his folky thing (you can read an interview with him here), but I missed it all because new Guardian bod Jenny Stevens has some extremely exciting news: Jeremy Clarkson is here! And he’s on her table! She reports:

Clarkson just nodded approval when Grimmy announced fka twigs. Evidentially a fan. Scowling at Jungle though.

Jameela Jamil has just been extolling the virtues of Bombay Bicycle Club. Even as someone who liveblogs people eating dinner at the Roundhouse on an annual basis, I still deemed that of insufficient interest to write about.

Will 2014 be the year of the ponytail? If so, blame Jungle. Their performance is slick as a waxed eel on a toboggan run, and if you’re after more Jungle facts here are some ...

Our chief pop critic Alexis Petridis on why Jungle is the one album you should hear (er, what, ever?)

And here is what Harriet Gibsone describes as an “incredible first interview with Jungle”, written by the Guardian journalist Harriet Gibsone

Talking of Grimmy, he walked past earlier and smiled at me in a manner that said “don’t cause a fight with me, Jonze”. He is obviously aware of the fact that last year, I somehow managed to fall out with the host Lauren Laverne.

My crime: mocking her for mispronouncing the name of the winner James Blake as James Blunt. My defence: when you’re liveblogging the Mercury prize for what feels like 42 hours you become desperate for material, and someone mispronouncing a name suddenly takes on the mantle of comedy gold. Anyway, must dash from this interesting anecdote, as pop funkateers Jungle are playing their hit Busy Earnin’

We’re off! Grimmy is onstage and, suddenly, so are Bombay Bicycle Club. Every artist is playing a song tonight, apparently, so they have to whizz through things. BBC bang a lot of drums from a raised stage, and really, what more can you ask of a Mercury prize ceremony opening band?

More hot news that can only conceivably have been garnered on a carpet of red complexion ...

Will Doyle of East India Youth wants label mate FKA Twigs to win (though he hasn’t put any money on her as he’s no a betting man apparently). Also, he may be just 23 but Doyle is officially the most sensible man in music – if he wins he’s not going to “do anything crazy like buy a car or build a studio. It will just mean the next year will be very comfortable, just a nice little buffer there”.

Kate Tempest says if she wins she’ll definitely be writing “several poems about it”.

So now you know!

Before the live performances kick off around 6.30pm, some gossip from the red carpet courtesy of Hannah Ellis-Petersen:

Anna Calvi has said if she wins she’ll do karaoke for the first time – her song of choice will be “anything by Tina Turner”

FKA Twigs said she doesn’t expect to win (yeah right) but that “it’s a great honour” to be nominated. Twigs also said that she doesn’t get nervous at awards ceremonies because she “lives in a constant state of shyness” Showbiz-wise her relationship with Robert Patinson is apparently going “really well thank you”...

Right, I’m here, underneath the Roundhouse, typing away on a wobbly table while the likes of Damon Albarn and FKA Twigs mill around giving me odd looks. Before we kick things off, here’s some not exactly cheery news – the Mercury nomination hasn’t given much of a sales boost to some artists, according to data from the Official Charts Company.

Hello and welcome to the 141,526th Mercury Music Prize liveblog that I’ve now covered for the Guardian, and what has to be around the 141,523rd time I’ve made that joke.

By now you should know what to expect. A load of British musicians are up for a £20,000 prize for the year’s “best” album, the winner of which will be revealed at the end of tonight. This year FKA Twigs and Kate Tempest are tipped as likely winners.

Before that, there will be live performances by the likes of Damon Albarn and Bombay Bicycle Club, the highlights of which I promise to relay to you on this very liveblog. I will then attempt to keep the blog going while a bunch of music industry people eat a three-course meal, a task which was tricky the first time I did it and now, as I approach the 141,526th time, feels like a feat of journalistic magnificence so spectacular it’s a wonder that I have not been promoted to editor of the Guardian, or at least some position where I don’t have to liveblog the Mercury Prize every year.

But I haven’t. And so, to get you in the swing of things, here’s this year’s nominees (and what the Guardian and Observer made of them) …

FKA Twigs - LP1

not many albums sound like LP1, a singular piece of work in an overcrowded market ... you leave it convinced that FKA Twigs is an artist possessed of a genuinely strong and unique vision, one that doesn’t need bolstering with an aura of mystique.

so said Alexis Petridis

Kate Tempest - Everybody Down

Tempest shines, though, through her use of language, which illuminates the subject matter – from boardroom drug deals to vacuous parties where “everybody here has got a hyphenated second name” – to dazzling effect.

so said Tim Jonze

Royal Blood - Royal Blood

Peel back the early 00s rock and there are quavering vocals that add texture to their stodgy sound. It’s heavy and hefty enough to crown them kings of the commercial rock scene, but then, who is going to stand in their way?

so said Harriet Gibsone

Jungle - Jungle

It all runs very smoothly – perhaps too smoothly for some tastes – but listen past the sheen and the headphone goods are there.

so said Kitty Empire

Nick Mulvey - First Mind

Informed by the 28-year-old Mulvey’s studies in ethnomusicology and Cuban music, his album mixes traditional and experimental, acoustic and electronic to pull unexpected rabbits out of hats.

so said Dave Simpson

Polar Bear - In Each and Every One

Seb Rochford’s creative mix makes the album seem like an integrated, large-scale work, and the overall effect is eerily beautiful.

so said John Fordham

Young Fathers - Dead

Like Massive Attack 25 years ago, Young Fathers have quietly constructed a strange and intoxicating musical universe that feels entirely their own, while no one else was paying attention.

so said Alexis Petridis

East India Youth - Total Strife Forever

William Doyle is at his most affecting when he’s vocal-free: songs such as Glitter Recession counterpoint their melodic beauty with a subtle, unsettling undertow.

so said Tim Jonze

Damon Albarn - Everyday Robots

Beautiful, but subtle, cloudy and elusive ... you come out of the other side not much the wiser about the man behind it. Never mind: the music is good enough that a lack of revelation doesn’t really seem to matter.

so said Alexis Petridis

Bombay Bicycle Club - So Long, See You Tomorrow

So Long, See You Tomorrow raises mild expectations of total, unimaginable self-reinvention. Instead it sticks pleasingly, if a touch disappointingly, to the lithe, artful dance-rock of its predecessor.

so said Maddy Costa

Anna Calvi - One Breath

Still touching on the themes of lust, love and death, her new material amps up the theatricality of passion and sadness, and abandons the Ennio Morricone-aping of her 2011 release in favour of more contemporary experimentation.

so said Harriet Gibsone

GoGo Penguin - v2.0

Ok, there’s always one album we failed to review isn’t there? Apologies to the GoGo Penguin crew whose v2.0, I can report, is a charming, atmospheric collection of piano-led compositions, in the jazz style but also not unlike Massive Attack or bits of Radiohead. You can read our fact file on the band here.